Mentorship — Meeting More Than Half Way
Best Practises in Mentorship
Witnessing: Give the man your full, undivided attention without judgment or interruption, allowing him to fully express what's most important to him. To confirm understanding, reflect back what he's shared using your own words, ensuring he feels truly heard and understood.
Accepting: Meet him as he currently exists, embracing both his strengths and his struggles without criticism. While you may recognize his potential for growth, your main priority is to value and understand him exactly as he is in this moment, creating space in your heart for the whole of who he is.
Acknowledging: Recognize and acknowledge his abilities, positive qualities, and special talents. Show genuine belief in him and celebrate his achievements, creating an environment where he can flourish and feel valued.
Exemplifying: Lead primarily through your own actions and behavior rather than through lectures or instructions. Act with integrity and goodness, understanding that people naturally imitate what they see, so your conduct directly shapes what they learn and become.
Admiring: Use genuine, straightforward language to communicate the positive qualities you see in him — his beauty, integrity, bravery, and kindness. Regularly and sincerely reflect his strengths back to him, being careful to offer authentic appreciation rather than empty flattery or manipulation.
What to Avoid in Mentorship
Solving: Avoid offering the man guidance or instructions on how to handle his circumstances. Resist any urge to intervene, to provide immediate answers, to suggest quick fixes, or otherwise to solve his problems directly.
Redirection: Don't use communication that dismisses, hides, or denies feelings — whether his or your own. Refrain from giving advice, relying on clichés, or steering him away from processing his emotions. Instead, help him acknowledge and own his feelings while connecting him to his own inner strength and resources.
Advising: Fight the inclination to give advice, particularly when unsolicited. Recognize that you cannot and should not bear responsibility for managing his life or determining its outcomes. Your true role is to help him discover and follow his own inner wisdom and truth.
Intellectualising: Avoid analyzing feelings intellectually or using methods that prompt intellectual reasoning about emotions. Instead, help him directly experience and feel his emotions so he can find his own unique way toward healing and resolution.
Substituting: Be mindful not to overlay your own struggles onto his situation. Don't use him as a way to work through your own unhealed wounds or past pain. Be especially cautious with men who resemble you, as there's a natural temptation to relive and correct your own story through them. Stay grounded in your role as a steady, impartial guide for him.
(This is based on practises of Boys to Men International, as expressed by Douglas MacIntyre and David Cordes in 2011; it has been rewritten and adapted to apply to adult mentorship. Without loss of power or effectiveness, man, men, and any male pronouns may be freely substituted to be more fitting or inclusive to any group or context.)
This page was written in the "embarrassingly readable" markup language RHTF, and was last updated on 2025 Nov 30.
s.30